Unfinished projects

(Some strong language, though usually abandoned because they’re too “zany”. Yeah, we know.)

May 2012 – “It Takes A Nation Of Minions”

Keep meaning to adapt some of this in tribute to the Queen’s birthday etc, maybe next time…

Nov 2010 – “Bad Style”

Only performed this once, when we pretended it was a tutorial we were reading out of Future Music magazine – lyrics are actually by Joe Kelly, and you can hear the original version from about 23:40 in this Museum of Techno podcast

What I like to do first is get a kick drum,
Drop it on the timeline, trim the back end then
Copy it across on the 1, 2, 3, 4
Drop it on the on-beat, on the on-beat

Glue the beats together into a 4-beat
Bar if you will, then copy up to nine
(The) bars (are) in a line, and the kick drum’s down
Make it dominate the mix, dominate the mix.

Then grab a hi hat sample from your hard disk
Drop it on the sequence… on the off beat
Glue them all together, copy up to 9
Bars in a line but mix it nice and low

Feeling the groove now… time to add a bass line
Side chain compression pumps with the kick
Feel the bass move now, copy up to 9
Bars in a line and mix it to the kick drum

Now add a handclap on the 2 & 4
If the beat’s too minimal and needs something more
Maybe add percussion to fill out the groove
Swing it out loose to make the dancefloor move

Now to make it fat and dynamically flat
Add a group channel in-to the virtual mixer
Find a brutal preset in your software compressor and
Fuck it up bad style.

Now you’ve got an engine driving your tune
It’s time to add a synth line get yourself a hook.
Hardware or software, mess with presets or
Program your own, it’s all the same to me

Put it in a MIDI track, add some automation
Get it down, get it locked, make it sound tough
Or stick in a wav if you’re using hardware
You’ll have more control, though you’ll lose a bit of bite

Now you’ve nailed the hook let’s arrange the track
Duplicate your loops all the way to the back
The end of the tune where the beat runs out
5 mins, 6 mins, 7 mins tops

Mute and solo tracks like you’re Lee Scratch Perry
‘Til the structure’s compelling and the textures are varied
If the hook gets tired and sounds overused
Use some random plug-in sound effect to give it a boost

Just a bunch of tips to help you on your way
To the nightclub in your mind where the DJs play
Record after record of your thumping techno beats
Where the crowd responds by getting on their feet

It’s good to crank it up, it’s good to play it loud
And make the gods of techno uncontrollably proud
But if turning up the volume is enough to make you smile
You’ll be gurning like a nutter when you fuck it up bad style

Nov 2006 – Hip Hop Christmas Carols

Run DMC’s It’s Tricky vs I Saw Three Ships Come Sailing In: http://t.co/f6lEGOdD (we never got round to recording Straight Out Of A Manger)

April 2002 – Downloading Lives Away

Mashup of Narcotic Influence vs Michael Greene, then-President of the National Academy of Recording Arts & Sciences